Six tips for supporting a loved one with cancer

This time of year can be stressful for many. Imagine the additional stress of learning you or a loved one have cancer or are undergoing rigorous treatment for the disease.

We can all help those dealing with cancer or any serious illness year round by offering support. Regardless of the age or stage that cancer is diagnosed, there are some things that you – as a caregiver or supportive family member or friend – can do to keep your loved one grounded in the here and now.

“The news of a cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming,” says Sarah Copeland, social worker with the Nancy N. and J.C. Lewis Cancer & Research Pavilion. “Having the support of friends and family can bring a sense of comfort by knowing you have others by your side when you need them.”

Cancer is the second most common cause of death in the United States, exceeded only by heart disease. The American Cancer Society reports approximately 1.8 million new cancer cases were diagnosed in 2020 in the U.S. and more than 606,500 deaths occurred.

If you know someone diagnosed with any type of cancer, there are things you can do to support that loved one. Here are six tips:

1. Simply listen. Some people try to cover their emotions with words – lots and lots of words. Resist that urge and listen instead. A cancer patient has a lot to say, in spite of the difficulty saying it.
2. Offer help, but be specific. Instead of, “Let me know if you need help,” say, “I’ll wash the dishes or cook dinner or do the laundry.” Again, be specific.
3. Do your own research. Knowing the kinds of obstacles your loved one will be facing in the months and years ahead, shows you care and will be helpful to both of you when such obstacles occur. Join a cancer survivor group or network with survivors online or attend doctors meetings with your loved one – whatever you need to do to understand your loved one’s state of mind.
4. Offer advice when you are asked. When your loved one mentions a new problem, listen first. It may be that he or she simply needs a sounding board, not a grocery list on how to cope. If your loved one asks, you can offer your opinion on everything from what to wear to the most effective treatment option. However, if your loved one has already decided what form of treatment to undergo, be supportive and not argumentative.
5. Be strong. Try to be the rock during your loved one’s battle. If you always go to lunch on Sundays, hold your loved one to that tradition. Now is not the time for changes, especially drastic ones. If you are an important part of a cancer patient’s world, it’s important to be there and be strong. Cancer is not contagious, and your loved one needs you now more than ever.
6. Stay positive. Just as important as it is to stay strong, it’s just as important to stay positive. Don’t treat a diagnosis as the end of the world, because for many it’s not. State-of-mind for both you and your loved one goes a long way in healing from a cancer diagnosis.

For more information about cancer support, contact the Nancy N. and J.C. Lewis Cancer & Research Pavilion at 912-819-5704.